Wow....I'm sitting doing some reflecting on the differences that have occurred over the past 18 months. Actually, a bit longer than that, but still, to look at where I came from to where I am now is simply amazing. On February 18, 2015, I finally confronted my ex about the affair I had suspected and she confirmed that she had indeed been sleeping with her now boyfriend. Needless to say, I was devastated and became almost uncontrollably depressed. I made a decision that night to finally tell my children that I suffered from Gender Dysphoria, It took about a month, but on March 26, 2015 I officially began my transition from male to female. I began my first monitored HRT treatments on April 5, 2015 and I was officially divorced on April 9, 2015.
It didn't take long for the hormones to begin to work on my body and by early July 2015, I had so much breast growth that I was no longer able to hide it from the world. Coupled with a ton of overall weight loss and muscle reduction, I decided at that time that I needed to live full time as myself, a woman. I have not looked back since. Over the course of time, I have continued to grow out my hair, now easily over 1/3 the way down my back, watched as my features filled out and soften, trained my voice so now it sounds 100% female. I'm never referred to as "sir" or "him", even by my most harshest critics, because that reference simply leaves others confused as to whom they may be talking about.
So that brings me to today, 09/08/16, that without the leap year would be exact one year to the day that I officially and legally became Rachelle Marie Walker. I now stand at the cusp of finishing my transition as I have gender reassignment surgery (GRS) scheduled for October 24, 2016. While it ends this chapter of my life, it is a new starting point as well. I have been told that there is a second transition that takes place after surgery when you realize that you are the person who always knew and that the struggle to achieve that is over. Now what to do with the rest of your life. I know that surgery will not create happiness for me, but it will usher in a sense of relief and calm, something I really look forward to. I will finally be able to say "I AM" when I look in the mirror as a statement, not "Who am I?", a question.
What is next for me? I don't know...maybe just more work paying bills and being there for my daughters. But now I look forward to what each day brings instead of dreading it. Becoming Rachelle has made me a woman with an open mind and the freedom to explore life , something I was never able to do before. While there still isn't anyone at my side, I know I do walk closely to God. That is his promise to me. I for one am gracious and humbled to know him. Looking back over this past year and a half, all I can say is "What a difference!"
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