It was first told to us that the virus, COVID-19, came to our shores in early February, yet now we have learned that several deaths can be attributed to the virus as early as mid-January in California. We were told it was first detected outside of China in January, yet now we know that the virus was in Europe sometime in December. The truth of the origins and timetable are important, but not as important as knowing what is going on today.
I received a text message in very early February from someone who warned me of the coming pandemic and that this virus was in the states and they had been treating patients for 'months' and the numbers they were treating in the Seattle/Puget Sound area were increasing rapidly. For myself, I had just recovered from what my doctor called a 'respiratory illness' that required two rounds of medications. After going over the symptoms I experienced, I began to question whether or not COVID-19 was active here in Georgia in late December/January.
I first felt sick around Christmas with body aches, chills, fatigue, and a low grade fever. I fought off this illness thinking it was just the seasonal flu everyone else was dealing with. Towards the end of the fever, my sinuses began draining and I got that dry cough everyone talks about. About 2 days later, it hit again, this time a heavy cough and breathing issues. I thought I had a sinus infection and since I get several of those during the year, treated it as such. Then I got Pink Eye, first time ever! I immediately went to my doctor and they prescribed antibiotics and other congestion medications. The Pink Eye improved, but the coughing did not. About 10 days later, I had to return to my doctor to see about quelling my cough, which at this point was interrupting my sleep and daily routine. They prescribed additional cough and congestion medications, saying it 'seemed like' Bronchitis. I was given a COPD medication from my ex-BF to help with the breathing and worked at breathing slowly and deeply. I even worked out at home on my treadmill, coughing like a motor out of tune, but still pushed myself. It wasn't until after my birthday in January that I finally started to beat the symptoms and return to some normalcy.
Today I am dealing with yearly allergies and the issues coming with that. But I wonder today if the illness I experience in late December through much of January was COVID-19. Since these antibody tests aren't reliable right now and if I did take one, it would only show that I had the virus, but not when, I don't see the point. My hope and prayer is that we quit arguing about numbers of dead and dying, people that are sick or asymptomatic, and focus on getting helping those in need and finding a way to live at peace with each other.
It took me a while to find my blog again. I have been thinking about writing and now that I have, I believe it will be beneficial for me to do so. I have gone through so much personally over the past years, it's hard to know where to start. I am still single and not dating, but the want of having a close personal mate is strong. I have managed to maintain my home, even though my workplace cut my income by $25K a year in 2017 to bring on a 'Marketing Director'. I borrowed against my home in order to save it because rent on an apartment is more expensive per month than what I currently pay a month on my mortgage.
I am a full 5 years past the beginning of my journey and now over 3 1/2 years post-surgical. I have dated only one man, but ended that relationship after only 3 months because when the time came for him to defend me, as he promised, he was tuned out and put me into a situation to be insulted in public. I defended myself and left that situation behind me. I am not sorry I did so. It was a great opportunity to see life from this side and the expectations of the future. I am still 'pure' as a woman, not willing to give that up for something that wasn't going to be long term.
Yesterday, my youngest daughter graduated college with a degree in Psychology and a minor in Art. I'm so proud of her and my other two daughters. They are all very smart and strong women. My middle daughter works as a Radiology Technician at the local hospital and she has seen many of the COVID-19 patients. She has told us of the struggles for PPE's and restrictions on social interaction. Luckily, she has not contracted the virus and even spent time with us all yesterday to revel in my youngest daughters accomplishment. She gets tested regularly, so we aren't concerned.
So now, it's quiet in my home. The doors are open allowing the cool breeze to flow through my house providing a fresh feeling while the graduates, (my daughter and her BF), sleep off last nights celebration. I can see my garden and all of the trees gently swaying in the wind. The birds are busy filling my ears with their songs and the peace of it all is relaxing. These are the moments I cherish.
I am reminded of what the Chimera represents...two creatures as one being. I have the future to fill who I am with the events of tomorrow, yet I can rely on the memories of who I was and the life I've lived to guide me today. I have been asked, "Do you regret what you did, changing and all?". My answer is no, not at all. My life is harder, true. Unaccepted by most, shunned and put aside, but I am me; the person I knew I was all of my life. There is a satisfaction in knowing the real you and embracing it. All of the hate and nasty behavior can't ever take that away.
My worse enemy is myself. The self-doubt and fear of being alone haunts me, but also the lack of trust I have towards people pushes me into my own self-isolation. I have been hurt so many times, I find it very hard to open up and trust anyone. I question their motivations for wanting to know me. That is one reason I decided to find my blog and will do my best to stay on it. Getting things out will be a good thing for me.
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